In the Jungian personality theory, the shadow self is a part of the unconscious mind that contains all of our repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and undesirable impulses. In every person, there exists a dark side that they try to conceal from others as well as themselves. Most people want to be viewed as good and perfect, so they hide their imperfections from everyone including themselves. But there is the truth that is hidden in our darkness that needs to be revealed if we want to live an authentic life.
Many people think they know who they are, but the truth is that we’re all a lot more complicated than we realize and most of it it is hidden in our shadow self that we keep hidden from the world. Our shadow is a representation of all those qualities and feelings we try so hard to keep hidden from everyone else—but they’re there!
The key to accessing your shadow self is to embrace all parts of you by taking a deep look at why you act the way you do. And the best place to start this is by doing shadow work and answering shadow work prompts and questions that will help you reveal the hidden parts of yourself you keep trying to ignore.
What does your shadow self mean?
According to Carl Jung, the shadow is “everything in a person that he or she does not identify with — and therefore rejects.” Because most people are unaware of their own rejected qualities and beliefs, Jung believed it was impossible for one to become consciously aware of their shadow without considerable moral effort to look honestly at oneself without judgment.
Jung thought of the shadow as something that was separate from our own consciousness, but which could exert an influence on our behavior. He believed that by being aware of its existence and what it did, we could better manage our lives and relationships with others.
So If you want to develop a healthy personality, it is important that you are aware of the things about yourself—both the good and bad that influence your behavior and choices.
This is where shadow work becomes essential in your healing process. It involves looking back on your life and answering deep questions about yourself that you may have been avoiding.
Our shadow self is usually formed as a way to protect us from things our mind was not ready to deal with or even understand at the time. For most of us, our shadow originated in childhood and is sometimes seen as the neglected inner child, who has their own personality, desires, and agenda that need to be taken care of or protected.
It’s common to deny or even repress certain emotions, desires, or thoughts because we are unable to handle them. But over time these experiences become part of the unconscious mind—the portion of our intellect that operates beyond our awareness. It is estimated that only 10% of our thoughts are conscious while another 90-95% occur in the unconscious mind
So when we continually repress our feelings or ignore something that is important to us, it can become a part of our subconscious/shadow self—and since we are unable to handle these unresolved issues they will start to manifest as depression, anxiety, or even jealousy.
Why you need to shine a light on your shadow
The shadow is not something you can try to get rid of, it is an integral part of your being and needs to be integrated into your consciousness if you want to develop a healthy personality. Jung believed that the only way to change is by becoming aware of our Shadow. When we allow this part of ourselves to emerge into consciousness, it can then be integrated into who we are and applied in healthy ways
The process of integrating our various parts into a coherent whole is known as individuation, which means becoming a stable individual—This person can embrace all their aspects of themselves ( good or bad) and learn how to function effectively in the world.
Achieving a well-balanced personality requires accepting the parts of ourselves that we might find frightening or questionable—and not blaming others for why our life is not the way we want it. Remember If you don’t have a good grasp on your own inner demons, it makes no sense to blame others for theirs!
What happens if you ignore your shadow self?
The Shadow Self is that part of ourselves we try to hide from others. It’s the aspect of our personalities that isn’t pretty or socially acceptable, and so we turn away when it appears. But when the Shadow Self goes unacknowledged or is ignored, it can take on a life of its own. It becomes an unconscious pattern that creates disharmony in our lives and relationships.
Our shadow selves always seek our attention, trying to show us what we need in order to live a more fulfilling life. However, most of the time it manifests itself destructively—causing harm rather than helping us grow as individuals. Usually, our shadow will take the form of criticism, judgment, and comparison when we are faced with someone who possesses an attribute that we feel we lack
We may feel that we are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or successful. We often compare ourselves to others who seem more fortunate and wonder why we didn’t get what they did. This can lead us into a downward spiral and lead to depression, anxiety, and even low self-esteem.
The more we try to ignore our shadow, the greater havoc it will cause in our life until we stop running away from it.
Acknowledge you have a dark side
The more you learn about your Shadow Self and accept it for what it is, the more you are able to take control of your life
When we are aware of the negative or dark traits that we possess (and we all do), it forces us to consider how those aspects of our personality affect not only other people but also ourselves. Not only is It important to acknowledge that we have these traits, but it’s even more important to learn how to manage them so that they don’t control our life.
There is great power in taking responsibility for your own behavior and not blaming others
If you can recognize and embrace your negative aspects, as well as the impact they have on you and on other people around you, then it will be easier for you to make choices that will have a positive impact on your life instead of always self-sabotaging yourself.
In the end, It’s up to each individual person how they choose to deal with their shadow self. Either by accepting it for what it is, or denying its existence altogether!
However, denial of the dark side of yourself will only lead to many struggles in your life. If we want greater peace and enjoyment in our life it’s important that we acknowledge the dark aspect of ourselves and learn how to work with them properly.
Here is the tricky part, we can only address our hidden dark traits by knowing how it presents its self though destructive behavior.
SO WHAT ARE THE SIGN TO LOOK OUT FOR?
7 ways to spot your shadow self
In order to be able to recognize your shadow traits, it is important that you understand the difference between your shadow self and your ego. The ego is the part of our psyche that we are most aware of and can control, including thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and opinions.
The shadow self consists of all those things we are unaware of, but we tend to project onto others. It contains everything our conscious mind struggles with or rejects—the parts of ourselves that don’t fit into our idealized image of who we are. In other words, these are things we would prefer not to acknowledge about ourselves due to their negative nature: our weaknesses, flaws, and shortcomings.
So how do you recognize your shadow? You can start by looking at where you feel uncomfortable in your life and If you’re feeling stressed and anxious, ask yourself where these feelings come from. Are there situations that trigger them? People, who seem to make you feel bad? Try to pinpoint patterns in your life that cause negative emotions within yourself.
the 7 ways your shadow is trying to be seen
1. Feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy
These feelings are all outward signs that you’re suppressing something about yourself. The key here is to find out what the root cause of the problem is. Are you feeling guilty because you’ve done something wrong? Or are you feeling guilty because you didn’t live up to someone else expectations of you.
These feelings can be based on negative experiences we had in childhood, or they can simply emerge as a result of repeated interactions with other people
You may feel a sense of guilt, shame, and/or inadequacy if:
- You feel like you don’t belong.
- You think that others are better than you.
- You worry about being rejected or abandoned by other people.
- You feel like you don’t measure up to other people’s expectations.
- You worry about making mistakes or doing something wrong.
If you find that these feelings happen often, and they are connected to a negative view of yourself, then it’s likely that there is unresolved emotional trauma in your life.
2. Anger and frustration builds up quickly
Anger and frustration quickly build up inside of us. The more we get triggered, the angrier we feel toward ourselves and our surroundings—it’s a vicious cycle that just keeps repeating itself.
People who have experienced invalidation or shaming during their lives often develop defense mechanisms, which they use to protect themselves when they feel threatened.
Anger is powerful and requires a great deal of self-awareness to understand it. Once we figure out why we’re angry, then we can attempt to resolve our issues without hurting others in the process!
It’s essential that you figure out what your triggers are. Once you know what triggers your anger, then it becomes easier to create boundaries around people or situations that may set you off.
3. Resist change
If you resist change or are afraid of the unfamiliar, it is a sign that you have not yet worked through some element—or elements—of your shadow self. Generally, the resistance we feel to something new may be a defense mechanism of our subconscious trying to protect us.
In fact, many of us are resistant to change in several different areas. For example:
- We may resist changing our routines or habits.
- We may resist leaving an unhealthy relationship
- We may resist letting go of old beliefs and self-images that no longer serve us well.
- We may resist changing jobs or moving to a new city.
- We may resist letting go of old friends and relationships that no longer serve us well.
Nobody likes change—it’s frightening and uncomfortable. But if you want to live a life that is more authentic and fulfilling, you have to learn how to deal with your resistance in ways that allow them to work for you rather than against you.
4. Vivid or recuring dreams
Dreams have always been a source of inspiration for creative people. But we now know that dreams also serve as an outlet for our subconscious minds to communicate with us and make sense of the complexities in everyday life.
Remember that the shadow self lives within your unconscious mind and is often represented in dreams, so you might be able to spot it by looking for these signs:
- If your dreams are violent or extreme, that could be a sign of your shadow self trying to protect you.
- If you have recurring nightmares, those could also point to a confrontation with the dark side of yourself.
- If you dream of being chased or attacked, that could be a sign that you need to confront your fears.
understanding your dreams can help you understand what your shadow self is trying to communicate
For more on what dreams mean check out this article from verywellmind.com
5. Being judgemental of others
When you’re critical of someone else’s actions, it’s usually because they are reflecting something within yourself that you don’t have or even something you wish you had.
If you find yourself being judgemental of someone else’s behavior or personality, consider why this person is triggering such a reaction in you. This can help you determine what aspect of the shadow self is being revealed.
If you find yourself judging someone else, ask yourself:
- What is this person doing that’s making me feel this way?
- How does this person’s behavior make me feel?
- What am I judging about them that is triggering a reaction in me?
- Why does their behavior make me feel like they are a threat to me?
- Is there anything I can learn from this person’s actions that will help me grow as a person?
If you can honestly answer these questions, you may be able to determine what aspect of yourself needs to be worked on.
6. Projecting your feelings onto others
Projecting your feelings onto others is a way to avoid taking responsibility for them—or even acknowledging that you have them. When you project your feelings onto another person, you are essentially saying that they are responsible for your reactions and the way you feel.
You may say the following when you’re projecting
- “You make me so mad!”
- “You’re always causing trouble”
- “How could you do this to me?”
- “You never listen to me!”
- “It’s your fault that I feel this way”
- “You always do this to me!”
- “How could you be so selfish?”
These kinds of statements make it seem as if someone else is responsible for how you feel, when in fact no one bears more responsibility for your feelings than you do. If you allow others to determine how you feel, instead of taking responsibility for your own emotions, then they will have power over how you.
The next time you find yourself feeling angry, frustrated, or any other negative emotion, take a moment to ask yourself “What’s really going on here?”
The answer may surprise you! You might discover that the real problem isn’t what they did, but rather how it made you feel. Then you apply that to your shadow work to find out why you got triggered.
7. A victim of self-pity or self-sabotage
A common sign that you’re experiencing this aspect of the shadow self is if you suddenly feel the need to complain about how hard things are for you, even though life isn’t actually all that bad.
This kind of self-pity is a sign that you’re not taking responsibility for your actions, and instead blaming your problems on other people or the world in general. It’s a way to avoid the truth about what happened by shifting blame onto others instead of taking responsibility for your actions.
When you find yourself in a downward spiral of self-pity, it can be helpful to ask yourself:
- “Why am I feeling hurt?
- What am I afraid might happen next?”
- What did I do to contribute to the situation?
- what can I do to fix the problem?
answering these questions will help bring into focus the root cause of your negative emotions so that they can be addressed and dealt with appropriately.
Related: Do You Have A Victim Mentality? 7 Ways To Overcome Self-Victimization
Heal through shadow work
Shadow work meaning. This type of work is a healing modality that helps you see what’s blocking your energy and where you need to heal in order to be whole. It can seem hard to see what is holding us back, but when we do the shadow work, we can find our hidden blocks, the things that are keeping us from being fully present and happy.
Through shadow work, you will eventually be able to let go of situations you can’t control and move forward with more confidence you are making decisions based on what’s best for you.
Through shadow work, you may discover that your shadow is not as big or scary as it once seemed. In fact, shadow work can help bring healing to your life and make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
This type of work can be done alone or with others and should include a combination of introspection and external exploration.
Here are some easy tools you can use to start shadow work:
- Journaling – writing down thoughts in your journal can help you see patterns or areas where you might need to dig deeper into what matters most to you.
- Meditation – sitting quietly without distraction gives your mind time to wander freely so that unconscious thoughts may surface into awareness.
- Interpersonal dialogue – talking with someone else about what matters most to you can reveal unexpected insights about yourself as well as how others perceive you.
Shadow Work: A complete guide to shadow work
Shadow work prompts
Shadow work prompts are questions that can help you find out what you truly want in life. They’re a good starting point when you feel uncertain about your future or unsure of the direction to take.
These prompts are not the only ones that exist, but they are the ones I’ve found most useful and will include below.
- If I could talk to my child self, what lesson would I teach them and why.?
- What type of people makes me feel uncomfortable?
- What am I afraid of people finding out about me?
- When was the last time I felt fulfilled in life?
- If it was my last day to be alive what would I do?
- How do I handle stress
- How do I handle complements
- What upsets me
- Have I ever caused someone to suffer because of my action?
These are just a few shadow work prompts to get you started. For more prompts click HERE
So, now that you understand what the Shadow Self is, it’s time for action. Take some time to reflect on yourself and your actions. What have you been doing lately? What are your hidden motivations? How do these things make you feel about yourself?
Once you’ve answered these questions, it will be easier for you to recognize when your Shadow is influencing your decisions and actions. Once you become conscious of your actions you can avoid making bad choices and take control of your life instead of letting your subconscious run the show.
