A lot of us have heard the phrase, “Putting yourself first is selfish.” But it’s not. In reality, this phrase is often used by people to manipulate others into doing things they want them to do, so stop feeling guilty for looking after yourself.
The truth is that putting yourself first is not selfish at all. In fact, it can be harmful to your well-being if you don’t learn how to do so effectively! In this article, we’re going to explore what it means by putting yourself first and how being the best version of yourself can benefit those around you.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we forget to take care of ourselves. We’re busy taking care of everyone else, that it doesn’t even occur to us how much we need to take care of ourselves as well.
We can get used to putting other people’s needs first and actually begin to feel guilty if we’re not making are not self sacrificing our needs to help other people. So Why do we feel so guilty for putting ourselves first?
Guilt Complex: Stop Feeling Guilty
Guilt is an innate emotion that helps people regulate their behavior, communicate with others, and feel connected to others. However, some people can experience guilt more strongly than others. People with a chronic, or constant feeling of guilt may have a complex around the emotion known as the “guilt complex.” or “people pleaser”.
People who experience this complexity often believe that they are responsible for everything and everyone around them. This can cause them to feel extremely stressed out and inadequate because they don’t believe their actions are ever good enough. They may also feel guilty when they don’t self sacrifice themselves or their needs in order to meet someone else’s.
Want to know more about Guilt Complex? Click Here
A person with a guilt complex is more likely than other people to take on the problems of others and feel responsible for them. They may feel guilty if they are not doing enough—or anything at all for the people around them.
This can seem like a selfless act, but their selflessness is often driven by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. They may feel like they have something to prove, so they overcompensate by trying to prove how good they are through acts of kindness or generosity. This can be problematic because it may lead them to self sacrifice their own needs and wants in order to meet other people’s needs.
When a person has started self sacrificing so much of themselves, over time they can become resentful and angry if they feel they are being taken advantage of or if the other person is not giving back the love and appreciation that is owed. A people pleaser will not react with hostility (since they don’t want to upset anyone) but rather be passive-aggressive. You hurt them by not showing your appreciation and their response is to make you feel bad about it.
If you are a people please then you might enjoy this article People Pleasers: What Drives Them To Be So Nice?
This is why it’s so essential to make sure you take care of your own needs before your take on the responsibility for other people’s problems. Giving yourself the love you deserve is not selfish—it’s essential!
5 Benefits Of Putting Yourself First
Putting yourself first is not about doing what you want and avoiding responsibility. It’s about making sure you have time for yourself, to do the things you enjoy that benefit your overall well-being.
The truth is that you can’t pour from an empty cup. So If you don’t take care of yourself first, then there won’t be anything left for those around you!
1. you will Have More Energy to Help Others
Believe it or not, by looking after your own needs first, you will have more energy to help the people around you. But if we don’t take some time to work on ourselves, we are bound to spread ourselves so thin that we have nothing left in us. When this happens, not only do we feel more tired and less motivated, but our relationships suffer as well:
- We become irritable and impatient with the people around us;
- We make more mistakes at work or home, and we get sick or worn out
- We become resentful toward the people we are actually trying to help
By taking time to work on yourself and become the best version of yourself, then you are able to give more effectively and create relationships that are based on trust and understanding rather than obligation.
2. you Will create healthy relationships
When you put yourself first, you’re making sure that you’re in a good place to be there for others and give them your best version of yourself.
Healthy people attract healthy people and toxic people attract toxic people.
But If you are constantly putting other people ahead of yourself, and neglecting your own needs and wants, then it will become harder to have a positive outlook in life. Neglecting your own well-being makes it difficult to feel good about yourself and can make you a less pleasant person for others to be around. Eventually, this will have a negative impact on the relationships you have.
When You take the time to take care of yourself then you will
- Have more energy for giving back (and also less neediness).
- Have more interest in connecting with others because your energy hasn’t been depleted.
- Your life experiences become deeper because you’ve been able to enjoy the moments in your life
If you want to be there for the people in your life and give them your best self, start by taking care of yourself.
The 9 Pillars of Self-Care That you Need To Adopt In Your Life
3. You will Know who really cares about you
When you respect yourself, it’s easier to see the people in your life who don’t deserve a place there. You know that you are worthy of love, and those around you show it by the way they treat you and not make you feel guilty if you are unable to help them.
I’m sure we have all had an experience with a friend, co-worker, or even family member who has tried to take advantage of you or manipulate you because they know that, when push comes to shove, you will always be there for them. But somehow are never there when you need them. This is not what a healthy relationship looks like, and can destroy who you are if it is left unchecked.
When you are spread thin and already overextending yourself, it may become an unconscious habit to put someone else’s needs above your own and this is when toxic people will start to take advantage of your kind nature.
But when you begin to prioritize your needs above others, you are better able to recognize what’s best for you and are able to say no to people who try to take advantage of you. People who really care about you will respect your decisions—and never try to manipulate or bully you.
Want to know if someone is a toxic person then look out for the warning signs The 10 Signs of Gaslighting: Protect Yourself Against This Narcissist Behavior
4. You will be able to focus on what's important
Putting yourself first is about understanding what makes you happy. In order to make good decisions in life, you have to know who you are and what is important to you. You can’t decide what matters if your life is spent running around trying to please everyone else and always putting other people first.
The more time we spend tending to our physical and mental health, the better prepared we are for making decisions about how to lead our lives.
We create the time to ask ourselves some important questions
- What do I want?
- What do I need?
- How can I achieve this?
These are crucial questions that can help anyone move forward in their life with confidence and purpose. But if we are constantly self sacrificing and tending to others’ needs, we will just coast through our life with no real direction.
Related: How to focus on yourself
5. You Will improve your health
When you put yourself first, not only do your actions improve the quality of your life but also how you feel about yourself. Taking the time to probably care is not a luxury it’s a necessity for a happy life and no one should prevent you from looking after your physical, mental, or spiritual health.
Self-care is not about pampering ourselves to feel good, it’s about
- Proper stress management,
- Having a healthy sleep schedule,
- Fueling your body with healthy foods,
- Being physically active and pushing your body.
All of these things will help you feel better about yourself and improve the quality of your life. Your body is the vessel you have to get through life and just like a car it needs to maintain.
Three Key Things To Remember
You may want to be a helpmate to everyone around you, but the truth is that if you try to do everything for everyone else and neglect your own needs, eventually you will burn out.
So before the guilt complex kicks in, just remember these 3 things when you start feeling guilty about putting yourself first.
1. Your happiness matters
You deserve to be happy. It’s important for you to take time out of your day—to do something that makes you feel good about yourself.
You can make the choice to put yourself first in little ways every day. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate event or commitment! Here are a few ways to make that happen:
Take the opportunity to do something nice for yourself from time to time.
- Maybe this means spending some extra time getting ready in the morning
- Maybe it means taking an hour out of your evening routine to read a book or watch Netflix (or whatever else makes you happy and works best for you).
Schedule small activities that give you a break from the people around you.
- Go for an evening walk,
- Meditate on nature sounds before going to work,
- Doing yoga stretches during lunch break;
- Going to the gym,
- Waking up 1hr before everyone else to have some quiet alone time.
It’s important to remember that self-care isn’t just about making time for yourself. It also means making yourself a priority in your daily life and saying “No” to people or events that will deplete your energy.
2. You need to be kind to yourself so you can be there for others.
It’s important to remember that the way you treat yourself is reflected in the decisions and actions you take toward others.
If you are not taking care of yourself buy not
- Eating well
- getting enough sleep
- Taking some time for yourself each day to do something fun or relaxing
you will start to burn out and eventually start to take your frustrations out on the people around you.
“Only hurt people, hurt people”
If you want to be able to give your loved ones the attention and love they deserve, you must first make sure you’re not withholding those same things from yourself. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself through self-care and not allowing people to take advantage of you.
3. Setting boundaries is an act of self love
Setting boundaries and learning to say no can be challenging, but they are an important part of self-care and respecting yourself.
If you’re not sure if you want to commit to something, then it is okay to say “no” or “I don’t know yet.” The same goes for when someone asks you to do something: if it doesn’t feel right or like a good time, it’s okay to say “no.”
Remember respect is a two-way street. We should treat others the way we want to be treated, and when someone doesn’t show us the same respect or dismisses our personal boundaries it’s ok to stand up for yourself and stop self sacrificing your own needs over theirs.
For more on Setting boundaries, check out the article: The 3 Reasons Why You Need To Define Your Emotional Boundaries
Take Away
You cannot give to others what you do not have. If you’re not happy, then how can you be there for anyone else? You need to put yourself first. Not all of your time will be dedicated toward this goal, but it should certainly take precedence over other things in life—and that includes other people’s problems
Saying “No” or putting yourself first might make you feel guilty or give you a guilt complex, but remember: this is your life and only you can be responsible for how it’s spent. You get to choose who you want to help and how much of yourself you are willing to give to other people.
